Izayoi's Lament
by Kanna37
Summary: 'He will be hunted like an animal, cursed and destroyed, his heart hardened and filled with hate and fear.  I cannot bear that thought, for he has such a tender heart and spirit.' A glimpse of a mother's fears for her son, and the answer to them.


**Izayoi's Lament**

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.

~oOo~

Izayoi watched her tiny son be rejected yet again by her father's people, and her heart broke. Holding her arms out comfortingly, she waited for him to run into them with tears on her cheeks, and once again, wondered within her own mind whether her and her lover's choice to have a child had been the right one.

Of course, they hadn't expected him to die, leaving her and their son alone to face a cold world full of hatred and prejudice, but still... her soul cried out in silent anguish once again as she grieved for the loss of the one she had loved so much – and their son, who would always be hurt by his half-blood status.

She smoothed his hair back as she held him, each little sniffle like poisoned darts to her heart. It was bad enough now, but at least, she was there to love him. But what would happen to him once she, herself, was gone to reunite with his great father? Would there ever be someone that would love him?

Or would his entire life be spent cold, mistrusted, tormented, and alone?

She very much feared that it would be... and as she held her son, with his tiny twitching ears and tear-drowned golden eyes, she wondered, not for the first time, whether it wouldn't be a kindness for her to take both their lives. She dreaded leaving him alone, knowing that those who merely disdained him now, would become much more violent once she was gone.

By her hand, at least, he would not suffer, and it would be over quick. Then she, and he, would be on the other side, and could reunite with the one she had given her heart, soul, and body to.

Tears pricked her eyes as she cuddled her now drowsy son, the emotionally draining episode rendering him tired and ready for his bed. _Oh, but how could I bear to harm him, _she cried inwardly, gently rubbing his little ears that now drooped sleepily against his head. Bending slightly, she lifted him into her arms, and ignoring the contemptuous looks of those still lingering outside the palace, made her stately way to the back of the eastern wing, to the quarters she had been shuffled off to when she had returned here after her lover's death.

Small, and much more cramped than her original rooms had been when she had been a dutiful daughter of a proud Daimyo, still, it was better than nothing, and she slid the door open, making her way to the futon she shared with him, and settling him into it to sleep for the night.

Still restless with her morose and terrible thoughts, she sighed, and covered him, then turned to slide the door closed once more, before ridding herself of some of the uncomfortable layers she was forced to wear during the day.

_Ever since the day you were taken from me, my love, I have feared for our son, _she thought, tears once more tracking down her cheeks as the terrible grief she kept hidden when around others crept out in the silence and loneliness of the night. _What should I do? Should I leave him alone, to live as a fugitive, feared and reviled by humans, and hated and reviled by demons? He will be hunted like an animal, cursed and destroyed, little by little, his heart hardened and filled with hate and fear. I cannot bear that thought, for he has such a tender heart and spirit, and it has already been so wounded. What more damage will be done once I am no longer here to cushion the worst of it?_

Moving over to the small window in the room, she moved aside the woven shades, to stare forlornly up at the moon. She sighed once again as she thought of his human night. _And how will he survive his night of weakness, with no one to hide him away and protect him?_

Despite the love she had shared with her son's father, she again wondered if they had chosen the best path when they had decided to have a child together. Certainly, he was loved, and wanted, by both of his parents. But the only one who could have shielded him from the horrors that he would be facing, was his father – and the fates had taken him away, leaving the frailer, shorter-lived parent behind.

By the time she was old, her son would be little bigger than he was now, and then, he wouldn't have anyone to love him again.

That thought to her, was the most painful – he was such a loving child, only wanting someone to give his love to, and the blind hatred of humans and demons alike filled her with a despairing anger. They would judge him worthless without ever even giving him a chance.

The world was cold, and she feared leaving him alone in it, more than she had ever feared anything else.

Heart still in turmoil, she shivered in the cool air, and finally allowing the matting to fall back into place over the window, she undressed down to her simple cotton yukata, and slid into the futon next to her precious son, cuddling him into her protectively.

His gentle, grasping hands and muttered, "Luff you, mama," breaking her heart even more, sent her off into dreams with pain that had no end in sight, and with a soul in serious turmoil.

Outside, the stars glittered coldly in midnight skies, echoing the frigid nature of the fears that tore at her day and night, and poisoned even her dreams.

~oOo~

"Izayoi," came a voice much beloved to her ears, "wake and listen to me, my sweet."

Frowning, she did as asked, wondering how she could be hearing what she was – he was gone, leaving her alone with their son. Had she died during the night, and if so, where was Inuyasha? Fear slipped into her on silent feet, and she gasped as her eyes lit on one so well-remembered.

She stared at him for long moments, afraid to move or even breath – afraid that any movement would dispell this illusion she so wished to be real.

He smiled at her, and her heart melted all over again as pain echoed through her once more.

"You fear so much for our son," he said, his smile dimming a bit, "that you wonder whether you should take his life as well as your own. Wonder whether it would be a kindness."

Nodding, still afraid to move, she watched with wide eyes as he came towards her and pulled her into his embrace. He cradled her suddenly desperate form to him, well-remembered feelings of peace and love flooding him as he embraced her again after so long.

For a few moments, he simply closed his eyes, and enjoyed her once more.

But time was an enemy of those who are living, and the Inu no Taisho knew he had little of it, and so, he pulled away from her protesting form, shaking his head at her.

"I do not have much time, beloved. I have come to ease your heart, and tell you what the fates have in store for our son. His is a great destiny, my hime," he said to her, almost smiling at her astounded expression.

"Truly, my Lord?" she asked breathlessly, eyes wide.

He chuckled. "Yes. I will not deny – he will have a sorry life for some time after your death. But it will form him into the man he will become... and then, one will come, an extraordinary young woman will enter his life, and love him unconditionally. She will heal his heart and soul, my love. Both of them, together, will change the world - for the better."

She clutched at his hands as he seemed to fade a bit, and he sighed. "Let this knowledge ease your heart, Izayoi, knowing that his life will have great meaning. It is not his destiny to pass when you do. And once you join me here, we will both watch over our son, guiding him all unknowing to his fate."

Hope in her heart for the first time since his death, she allowed her tears free reign as he faded more. "Will I see you soon, my love?" she cried out, and he smiled one more time.

"There is still a little time left for you to guard our son, but when he is ready, you will see me again. Do not despair, little one – I love you both always," he said, even as he faded away entirely, and Izayoi closed her eyes, wishing that the pain of life would just end already.

But then, as she drifted slowly awake once more, she remembered the reason she had to stay, and she cuddled her son closer to her, brushing his silver locks back from his beloved little face gently.

"I am so sorry, my son," she whispered. "I cannot save you from what is to come... but I will hold on to the hope your father has given me, and pray that the one who would heal year heart and soul will come soon to you."

Still deeply asleep, little Inuyasha smiled a tiny smile, and murmured something gently, making his mother's eyes widen.

"'Lo, papa. Luff you, too."

And she knew then that everything would be okay.

~oOo~

Almost two hundred years later, Izayoi and the father of her son, watched as a young girl climbed from a well, wide-eyed and innocent, wandering all-unknowing towards the great tree that harbored her destiny – Inuyasha.

And so began the legend of the hanyou, and the miko that loved him.

~oOo~

A/N: This one-shot came to me as I was driving to pick my daughter up from school, and I actually cried. I could just see his mother's agony, wondering whether it would be a kindness for her to take his life with love, rather than leave him behind to be tortured to death. She must have suffered greatly, knowing she couldn't protect her son from everything that would come to hurt him.

As a mother, I can only imagine being put in that spot.

Amber


End file.
